Caught Off Guard

by FreeToBeMe
(Massachusetts)

My exaggerated stress response came at a time of prolonged stress. Many events took place in such a short period of time. Although, I think I have always struggled with some anxiety all throughout my life, it was a time of progressive stress accumulation that ultimately brought me to a place I never thought I would be. Many stressful things were going at once - I had moved across country with 3 children, bought a house that was in need of extensive repair, kids had new schools, new routines, a death in the family, I endured a chronic illness and injury that took me into unexplained symptoms and years of misdiagnosis, and the pressure to "be and do" from those around me was just overwhelming. I remember standing in the grocery store, picking out vegetables with my 2 year old in the carriage and all of a sudden felt like the floor was pulled out from under me. I became disoriented, lightheaded, felt like I may pass out, and my body began to experience great apprehension. My thoughts were racing with so many questions and "what-if's" and my heart was racing and I was sweating. I had a full cart of groceries and got into the checkout line. The apprehension of what might happen to me became overwhelming - I had even pulled my 2 year old out of the carriage and had thoughts of just leaving the cart of groceries and just leaving the store. But, my inner self talk said, "wait, no, you need this food" and I stuck it out with high anxiety. I noticed once someone got behind me in line, I felt trapped with no way to escape, but somehow I managed and once I checked out and left, I felt such a sense of relief. I sat in my car and didn't know what had just happened. But, the experience was so traumatic to me that anytime I had to go back to any store with chaos and lines, especially alone, I was apprehensive about when I might experience that again. I lived with a sense of dread that I didn't understand and took me on a life journey that demanded change. I remember hearing a late night commerical with Lucinda Bassett (self-help author and motivational speaker) talking about anxiety and advertising her program called "Attacking Anxiety and Depression". It was expensive. I think around $500 at the time and although I was broke, I remember thinking it was my only hope. I worked that program like my life depended on it. But with my trips to the local library, I came across Dr. Claire Weekes and her books - this is when I realized, this Pioneer in anxiety self-help methods, also had personal experience with anxiety and also a real physician offered all the same information that was in that expensive anxiety program. These books are life changing books. And anyone who is thinking they have to live with their anxiety or that they can't get over it, I recommend them to everyone suffering. I am forever grateful to those who offer real knowledge and are not predatory where they take advantage of those who are suffering. I think we all need to share what we know, to help eachother when we can without strings attached.

It all began with sensitization of my nervous system - Too much stress in such a small amount of time. Had I understood how to take care of myself better or knew the warning signs, I could have prevented this negative domino affect in my life. So much suffering - We are all just human, dealing with human conditions. You are not abnormal or a freak, and I encourage others to speak up here too, to break their silence of their own experiences because it is empowering to know that you are not alone and when you encourage others, you encourage yourself. You are not alone!